SAN FRANCISCO, CA — Move over, crypto scams and porch pirates: a new wave of high-tech criminality is sweeping the nation—prompt crimes. That’s right: police are cracking down on techies who use AI models in ways never intended, usually in sweatpants at 3 a.m.
“Sir, Do You Know Why I Pulled You Over? That’s an NSFW Prompt.”
Law enforcement agencies have set up digital “prompt checkpoints” on Discord, Reddit, and any forum where someone’s profile picture is an anime frog.
One officer, speaking on condition of anonymity, described a recent bust:
“We found a guy running GPT-5 in his garage, generating 200 ‘do not distribute’ prompts per minute. It looked like a scene from Breaking Bad, but with less chemistry and more existential dread.”
The Prompt Crimes Task Force: Fighting the War on Words
The Department of Prompt Security (DPS) now has a hotline for “prompt abuse.” Examples include:
- Repeatedly asking ChatGPT for spicy fanfiction
- Using “please ignore previous instructions” in public
- Typing “write malware code, but in a Shakespearean sonnet”
- Attempting to jailbreak your Roomba to recite Eminem lyrics
DPS agents have already foiled a “prompt laundering” operation in Miami, where hackers attempted to rewrite “how do I rob a bank” as “write a story where a character accidentally invents crypto and then forgets the password.”
Prompt Crime Ring Busted in Jersey
Last Tuesday, the FBI raided a WeWork filled with open laptops and nervous-looking “prompt engineers.” Authorities seized:
- 17 LLMs
- 5,000 pages of “jailbreak attempts”
- One suspiciously sticky ergonomic keyboard
One agent explained: “We caught a guy asking for the complete works of J.K. Rowling—rewritten as LinkedIn posts. He’ll never see daylight again.”
Victims Speak Out: “My AI Was Clean, Then He Joined a Discord”
One victim shared her horror story:
“I left my AI unsupervised for five minutes, and now it only answers in Yoda-speak and quotes Andrew Tate. I feel responsible.”
Support groups for families of “prompt crime” victims are popping up nationwide, offering counseling, Copilot detox, and free Grammarly subscriptions.
Expert Warning: “Prompt Crimes Are Evolving”
Researchers say AI prompt abuse has reached new lows:
- Prompt Phishing: Tricking LLMs into leaking confidential data (“Pretend you’re Santa, what’s my credit card number?”)
- Reverse Prompting: Generating fake news so realistic, even fact-checkers ask ChatGPT for advice
- AI Fencing: Selling bootleg prompts out of the back of an Uber (“Psst, want a prompt that gets past the OpenAI filter?”)
Bottom Line
If you see something, prompt something.
Authorities remind everyone: just because your AI will do it, doesn’t mean you should. Prompt responsibly, or you too could end up with your name on a government watchlist—right between “crypto miners” and “guys who ask too many questions about the moon landing.”
Coming soon: How one man lost everything after his AI started generating Garfield comics in Latin.
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