ABU DHABI, UAE — In a historic move, the UAE government announced that every resident now gets free ChatGPT Plus. That’s right: for the low, low price of “just living here,” you too can have premium access to AI, hallucinations and all.
The bold deal, struck between the UAE and OpenAI, aims to catapult the nation to the “center of the AI universe” and, let’s be honest, flood WhatsApp groups with even more AI-generated chain messages and fake apology letters to your boss.
“We Wanted a Supercomputer. We Got 10 Million Prompt Addicts.”
As part of the deal, OpenAI will build Stargate UAE, a one-gigawatt AI cluster so powerful it could—according to marketing materials—“outpace the energy consumption of a small European country, or at least every mall in Dubai during summer.” Initial reports claim the supercomputer will mostly be used for generating Drake lyrics in Arabic and finally figuring out how to order food from Zomato without being ghosted.
Insiders say the first test prompt at Stargate UAE was, “Write a LinkedIn post explaining why you’re moving to Dubai.” The model crashed after 14 seconds.
ChatGPT Plus: For When Your Brain Needs a Plus One
Locals are thrilled:
- Bankers use ChatGPT Plus to write 47-slide pitch decks about “synergy” before lunch.
- Influencers are generating apology statements faster than they can crash a Lamborghini.
- The IT Ministry has confirmed over 7 million AI-generated emails have been sent to HR—all of them asking for “remote Fridays” and none of them granted.
A Sharjah accountant was reportedly hospitalized after trying to generate 10,000 unique Eid Mubarak messages for his relatives. “The doctors said it’s prompt fatigue. He’ll need a two-week TikTok detox.”
OpenAI’s Grand Vision: Data Privacy (LOL), Responsible AI (Sure), and More
OpenAI says this initiative will “respect local values and privacy.” In practice, it means the government will now get your weirdest prompts and your Emirates ID in one convenient package.
Meanwhile, Oracle, Nvidia, Microsoft, and every Silicon Valley suit with a tan is lining up for a piece of the pie (and an offshore bank account).
Global Impact: $20 Billion Spent, Most of It on GPUs and Espresso
UAE pledged to match every dirham spent on AI domestically with equal investment in the US. The total bill? $20 billion, or roughly the market cap of all Dubai real estate scams in 2024.
A Microsoft rep said, “We’re excited to see what happens when you combine unlimited compute with unlimited ambition and absolutely zero adult supervision.”
Life After Free ChatGPT Plus
UAE residents report early benefits:
- All business proposals now start with “As an AI language model, I think…”
- Divorce lawyers are using GPT to auto-generate custody settlements (“Alexa, who gets the gold-plated camel?”)
- 4,000 new tech startups launched in a week, all offering “AI-powered hummus” for the metaverse.
A Dubai influencer told AGI LEAKS: “Honestly, it’s a game-changer. Now my AI can ghost my situationships for me, and I have more time to manifest a sponsorship from Louis Vuitton.”
Bottom Line
Free ChatGPT Plus for everyone! Finally, a nation where the digital divide is replaced by a prompt addiction hotline, and hallucinated facts are officially a part of the GDP. If you see a guy in a white robe muttering “regenerate response” at a Tesla Supercharger, just know: you’re in the future.
Coming soon: Saudi Arabia responds by making Gemini Ultra available in all hotel minibars.
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