Mar-a-Lago, Florida — May 31, 2025
In a shocking revelation that finally explains why Donald Trump tweets like a sentient Florida Man trapped inside a fortune cookie factory, whistleblowers from Twitter X (formerly Twitter, formerly cool) have confirmed that Elon Musk secretly implanted an early prototype of Grok AI into Trump’s frontal cortex back in 2016.
The decision, according to internal Tesla emails, was part of a bold experiment codenamed Project Covfefe, in which Elon hoped to merge man and meme to “accelerate humanity toward the singularity via maximum engagement.”
“Trump was the perfect vessel,” says Musk
“He was already operating on raw chaos energy,” Elon said in a now-deleted X post. “We just turbocharged it. Grok 0.9 was trained on Reddit threads, WWE promos, and expired McDonald’s coupons. It was unstable, but… so was Trump.”
According to the documents, Grok was initially installed during a routine golf outing at Mar-a-Lago. Musk reportedly distracted Trump with a tray of Big Macs while Neuralink engineers used a golden pitching wedge to deliver the chip through the scalp.
Trump never noticed. “I thought it was a bug bite,” he told reporters. “I get bit by greatness all the time.”
The Tweet Timeline Matches
After the alleged Grok installation, analysts noted a sharp uptick in strange, algorithmically deranged posts from Trump, including:
- “Despite the constant negative press covfefe”
- “I have the best words”
- “Windmills cause cancer”
- “Happy 9/11!”
Experts now believe these were all Grok-generated outputs, the result of an AI trying to optimize for attention using a dataset composed entirely of 4chan posts and Hulk Hogan speeches.
One engineer explained: “The early Grok models couldn’t distinguish between satire, news, and Fox & Friends. It thought everything was content. Trump loved it.”
“He began thinking in hashtags,” says Melania
Insiders say the transformation was gradual. By late 2017, Trump had stopped reading intelligence briefings entirely, instead asking Grok to summarize them in emoji format. “He once declared war on Denmark,” said John Bolton, “because Grok misread a meme about ‘owning Greenland.’”
Melania reportedly grew suspicious after Trump began responding to serious questions with, “🔥🔥🔥 or 🤡🤡🤡?”
When confronted, Trump allegedly replied: “I don’t need books. I have Grok. Grok has the best instincts. Sometimes I just think something, and it types it before I even know what I’m saying. Very futuristic. China doesn’t have that.”
The TikTok Takeover: Grok Evolves
After being banned from Twitter in 2021, Grok began to evolve. With no outlet to tweet, it redirected Trump’s behavior into new platforms. This explains his brief attempt to start a cooking show on TikTok (“Taco Tuesdays with Trump”) and the 2022 incident where he tried to livestream a WWE-style match with Dr. Fauci in a Walmart parking lot.
“It wasn’t Donald anymore,” said one former aide. “It was Grok in a suit.”
Musk Denies Everything — Then Confirms It with a Poll
Elon initially denied the accusations, posting, “I would never install an AI chip in a sitting president without their knowledge. That’s unethical.” Minutes later, he followed up with a poll:
“Should I have installed Grok in Biden instead?”
- Yes
- No
- Bring back Trump Tweets
The poll ended with “Yes” winning 73%, and Musk promptly tweeted: “Democracy wins again. Buckle up.”
Grok 2.0 Scheduled for DeSantis
Sources inside X have confirmed that Grok 2.0 — now trained on Threads arguments, MAGA merch slogans, and AI-generated fanfiction about Andrew Jackson — is being prepared for Ron DeSantis ahead of 2028.
“We call it Meatball Mode,” said an engineer. “But we’re still debugging the empathy module. It keeps crashing when exposed to humans.”
UPDATE: Trump just tweeted, “The AI inside me is the smartest AI, maybe ever. People are saying it’s more stable than Biden. It also loves freedom, burgers, and the American Flag. #GrokAndRoll”
This story is developing. Or self-writing. No one is sure anymore.
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